Pathways to Parenthood

Parenting is a tricky business of trial and error.  While numerous books, websites, and other publications exist claiming to have all the answers there is simply no boilerplate that works in every instance.  The same is true for becoming a parent or parental figure.  Two people may conceive and have a child together, there is conception through artificial insemination or surrogacy, children gained through marriage, guardianship, adoption, and fostering.  These pathways to parenthood are vastly different yet they all lead to the same triumphs and tribulations of being the responsible party for children 0 to 18 years old.

Since some of these routes are considered non traditional, it can get tricky for family and friends to know how to properly welcome children into their new home.  Babies are thrown showers, but what about toddlers?  Do older kids and teenagers of divorced or deceased parents want to be adopted or just accepted?  Are traditional titles doled out when a family takes on the guardianship of their teenage son or daughters baby or are they mom or dad instead of grandpa and grandma?  How does and open adoption impact a family dynamic? So many questions and opinions, yet each situation has unique circumstances and requires a customized approach.

My own family has recently pondered the appropriate response to welcoming the addition of a foster child.  While the child is a baby, at this point there is no guarantee of permanent placement unless the option for adoption becomes a possibility.  This brought about the question of a baby shower.  This is technically the first baby and is being cared for and loved as if he were their own, yet the long term care is yet to be determined.  Trying to remain in neutral territory and show my support for the new parents without creating false hope I put my thinking cap on. 

I recalled a volunteer group I was a part of painting customized suitcases for foster children so they always had something of their own to take with them no matter where they were placed.  Through this program it was heart wrenching to learn that many children that are shuffled through the foster care system leave favorite toys and teddy bears behind and show up to their new placements with only their clothes in a garbage sack.  This sparked an idea that my family could show our support by presenting the baby with his own suitcase full of treasures that would belong to him no matter what the future holds.  I sent out a Facebook invitation for what became known as a "Suitcase Shower."

Suitcase Shower

This is my suitcase shower,

There's no date to attend.

You ask me why a suitcase,

And I ask you where I'll live?

My birth mom may get better and come get me one day,

Or love me enough to let me go and forever here I'll stay.

But just like any child, there are certain things I love,

Like books and fuzzy blankets and a teddy bear to snuggle up.

So if you find it in your heart to grant this small request,

Please put a token of love in my suitcase

So no matter where I go I'll know I am blessed.

~ Paige Caligiuri

 

 

 

Family and friends responded generously and reached out to place a small token of love in this child's suitcase which was presented yesterday.  The foster parents appreciated the gesture of support that validated their role as parents in this child's life and accepted him into our family no matter what the outcome.  Today as families everywhere celebrate Father's Day I hope that we remember to celebrate all father figures no matter how that role came to be and we recall with fond memories the time we have shared past and present with the male role models in our own lives!