The Importance of Following Directions

I am 30 years old, and even in my hometown I have a tendency to get completely turned around.  My car has done more donuts than Tim Horton's bakes in a day!  In college I had a good friend Matt who found my ability to get lost highly entertaining.  I do not care to count the number of times I would call him for directions, of course this was pre-navigation system days!  A typical phone exchange looked like this:

Me: Matt, I need your help, I have no idea where I am!
Matt: Where are you trying to go?
Me:  I'm (walking, driving, riding the bus).
Matt: Ok, but where I you trying to go?
Me: Home.
Matt: Where are you coming from?
Me: The (highway, mall, bar).
Matt: Audibly laughing and probably shaking his head...That doesn't help!

And so I provided Matt with amusement due to my utter lack of direction and uncanny ability to be perpetually lost.  Now almost a full decade later, my navigational skills have improved minimally at best.  Today for example, I had to go to a sales center to pick out my windows and doors for our house. When the receptionist returned my call letting me know I could come in this afternoon she followed up by asking if I needed directions.  I told her I just needed the address and I would type it in my smartphone, but she proceeded to insist on giving me directions explaining that it was tricky to find because the sign wasn't very big.

She then gave me what I deemed to be simple directions (it was on a major road that I recognized!) so I hastily scribbled them down on an envelope I had in my purse and 20 minutes later I was headed that way.  The key point she emphasized was to look for the BIG RV dealership and slow down because it would be the next drive next to a white house.  Unfortunately not only am I bad at following directions, I also half listen at times where I assume I already know what I'm doing. 

I swung right into the drive after the RV dealership and immediately had that sinking feeling that this was one of those times I should have paid better attention.  When I first saw the abundance of No Trespassing Signs, like a regular gumshoe I quickly deduced that I was in the wrong place.  Having no choice but to drive further in to turn around I nearly soiled myself when the next sign warned that all trespassers would be shot, and survivors would be shot again!  Then the adjacent sign went on to proclaim that there is Victory in Jesus!  Apparently once they shoot you, they hold your hand and deliver the Lord's Prayer to cover all their bases and your multitude of sins.

When I pulled one of my trademark 360's I almost had a full blown panic attack when a car that had pulled in behind me was blocking my escape route and I seriously considered jumping the curb in my economical compact.  As I drove onto the shoulder and flew out of there like a bat out of hell I quickly ascertained that they probably were not intentionally blocking me in, but I couldn't bring my eyes to face the rear view mirror and find out.

If I had actually listened to the directions I would have saved myself a near heart attack and looked for an RV dealer and driveway with a white house on the LEFT, and not on the right side of the street.  To make matters worse, my not so near death experience was for naught, because the showroom sent me home with computer print outs and brochures which I could have accessed online from the comfort of  home!

I consoled myself by binging on carbs with a bagel the size of my head and a quart of cream cheese since it was too early in the day for a drink and I had to have my wits about me for a potential client interview this evening.  A definite note to self though, if going to the low rent district where most construction trades tend to have their workshops: if  I refuse to pack heat then I at least need to pack the mace!  Oh, and if I'm going to carb load to deal with the stress, I should also pack some Tums.