One of my favorite songs is Home by Edward Sharp and The Magnetic Zeros. Music speaks to my soul in a way that is indescribable because it seems like literally anything life throws at you there is a song that takes the words from your lips and puts them to a soothing classic, a heart breaking pop song, a sultry jazz number, or an indie folk song. You may be wondering what this has to do with anything and the answer is... everything. Right now I am at the proverbial, stereotypical, and over analytical crossroad of my early 30's and this song resonates with me on so many levels.
Today I had a very rare opportunity to walk through my old house while on Spring Break. The abridged version is that I am spending my vacation in my old neighborhood and because we sold our home for sale by owner, we had the unique opportunity to get to know the people who bought our home. The house we sold was not technically our first home. J and I had built a home together up north that we sold before we ever moved into because he had an incredible job opportunity in Florida and who could turn down that much sunshine on the cusp of graduation and our early 20's? This was however the first home we had owned that we actually lived in together and we literally poured our blood, sweat, and tears into it.
We seem to have an affinity for abandoned houses (I see a pattern forming!) and we bought our first house after it had spent three years on the market! It was originally overpriced and since we were in no rush, we bought when the time was right and got a pretty good deal considering the market at the time of purchase in 2007. We closed on the loan and moved in on Christmas Eve and spent our first night sleeping on a mattress on the floor and our light source was a faux pre-lit Christmas tree J surprised me with for some holiday cheer. Christmas day was spent painting what would be the first of about 4 colors until I finally found my perfect "shade"!
Over the next four years we knocked down walls, added closet space, tiled, gutted, remodeled a kitchen and two bathrooms, landscaped, and of course painted. By the time we were finished our house was exactly how I had pictured it in my head the first day I had walked in and known it would be our home.
Now today I stood in the middle of my old living room and felt overcome with emotion. The current owners literally have not changed a thing. This is probably the biggest compliment a designer could get, so as a mere DIYer, I should have been ecstatic, but instead it felt bittersweet. I tried to take in their lovely furniture and the pictures on the wall that perfectly complimented the paint color I had painstakingly chosen but it was all a blur. Instead I saw J and my brother knocking down the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room. I looked in the bedroom and saw the flood that woke us up from a dead sleep when the mirror fell off the bathroom wall and severed the pvc water pipes during the renovation. I saw family and friends sitting around my old kitchen table for my attempts at gourmet meals, late night card games, and conversations.
Even though it sounds obvious, I became aware for the first time that this was no longer my home. My dog's toys were no longer strewn across the floor as they chased each other room to room with their black snouts becoming more gray with each passing year. The beds were perfectly made which never happens in my house unless we have company. At some point my home had become their home. It was at that time that I realized the meaning of one of my favorite songs.
The best lyric in the song is: We laugh until we think we'll die, barefoot on a summer night. Nothin' new is sweeter than with you... Ahh, home. Let me come home. Home is wherever I'm with you...
It took me visiting the past for a moment to realize that my home is not and never will be a geographical location. Home is the connections we make, the experiences we have, and the love we share. Even during this wonderful vacation away from the stress of renovating a house and escaping the cold climate for a week, when I hear my husbands voice on the other end of the phone, I have an overwhelming sense of being home. Additionally, I sincerely wish the new owners have even half the happiness and love we experienced in our old house, and that the house we created together serves as a shelter for their own sense of home.
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